Unfortunately, I was not able to attend the latest in the series on cell groups but I do have some information on what happened. Thanks to my recent research in the area of oral tradition in peasant cultures, I have been able to distill from my wife’s report what actually happened, minus the hagiographical embellishments.

Wendy started the meeting with the icebreaker question “which leader do you most admire?”. It was obvious that the truly spiritual people would answer with a Biblical character. However, those that did shunned the obvious choices, opting for Old Testament characters with dubious track records. Esther’s revenge, David’s polygamy and Nehemiah’s beating people up and pulling their hair out (Neh 13:25) were considered worthy of emulating by Maresah, Catherine and Steve respectively.

After the worship, there was supposed to be a discussion, but unfortunately a dispute arose as to who was the greatest. Unbelievable considering that Jesus rebuked his own disciples for such an unworthy topic of conversation. Steve Heinz ably demonstrated his own claim for supremacy with a dazzling display of Scripture quotations. He was in fact the only person in the room who could correctly recite the list of Kings of Israel, along with their lengths of reign and size of harem. Not that he needed this evidence, for he endeavours only to perform works of charity when people are watching (the more the better).

Graham helpfully provided the mnemonic OXJKLG, which stood for something beginning with O. Perhaps it works for Graham, but Steph’s short term memory is not much more than a goldfish’s. She didn’t fare much better with Steve’s ABCDE – was it something about Cream Doughnut Eating?