One of the things that struck me as I was studying Esther was Mordecai’s example as a father. In many ways, his family was unconventional. He appears to be a single dad (Esther 2:7). He is not Esther’s biological father – he has adopted her. I just want to highlight a few aspects of his parenting, in which I think he sets a helpful example.

First, he was serious about protecting his daughter. I think this is the major reason behind his instruction to her to keep quiet about her Jewish identity in Esther 2:10. He knew that she was going into a very dangerous situation and he had very little power to help her. But his way of protecting her was to give her advice that would protect her from harm. (Whether his advice was strictly speaking “right” is perhaps another issue). Fathers need to give their daughters good advice that will protect them from harmful situations.

Second, he knew what was happening in her life. It wasn’t easy for him, as he was denied personal contact with her. But he took the time and effort to keep in touch, and was able to get messages to her (e.g. Esther 2:22). Parents need to take the time and effort to find out what is happening in their children’s lives in order to be able to help and support them in an appropriate way.

Every day Mordecai would take a walk near the courtyard of the harem to find out about Esther and what was happening to her. (Esther 2:11)

Third, he was loving enough to earn her respect and obedience. Esther had the chance to cut ties with Mordecai and escape his authority over her. She had effectively grown up and left home. Yet she continues to submit to his authority and obey him (see Esther 2:20). Clearly she had come to respect his wisdom and knew that he loved her. This made it possible for her to continue to obey even though she didn’t have to. Obviously, there is no magic formula that will stop a child rebelling once they get some freedom (e.g. going off to university), but we should strive to be the sort of parents who earn the respect of our children.

But Esther had kept secret her family background and nationality just as Mordecai had told her to do, for she continued to follow Mordecai’s instructions as she had done when he was bringing her up. (Esther 2:20)

Fourth, he allowed her to grow up. It is interesting to see how Esther and Mordecai’s relationship changes throughout the book (which takes place over a period of about 10 years). In Esther 4:17 we see Mordecai taking orders from Esther. He does not presume that because he is her father he can control her life. He continues to give his advice, sometimes quite strongly, but by the end of the book, we see them working together in equal partnership (Esther 9:29). Parents need to understand that as their children grow up the nature of their relationship changes. We move from simply giving commands to small children, to explaining our reasoning for those commands as our children grow older, to simply offering our advice once they become adults in their own right.